Glorious, glorious hours of time can be poured into the planning, ordering, re-ordering – and, of course hand-writing the playlist on the back in your favourite pen of – a mixtape. Of course, mixtape is a bit of a misnomer as these days it’ll be a mix CD won’t it? Or a Spotify playlist. Which, at a risk of getting dully sentimental* just isn’t the same as handing over that rattling, chronically-abused Maxell UR-90; a badly-disguised sonic missive that says ‘I adore you and yet, I fear that you will only ever view me as a ‘sweet friend’. Nevertheless, here are all the things I can’t say to you because I wasted all the time I should have spent honing my courting skills listening to Hole albums on perpetual loop and/or making up abysmal band names from underneath an awful haircut.’
However, there is no need to go through the mores of mixtapery because John Cusak pretty much covered everything for Nick Hornby. However, there are still a couple of things to consider:
1.Is traditionally a person with whom you are secretly in love. However, in the absence of one of these poor unsuspecting bastards, a friend with an open mind but with flexible (read: zero) music taste is perfect. Dragging anyone back from the screaming brink of a Robbie Williams Abyss is actually deemed a public service in some parts of the British Isles.
1./Subsection (a) Anyone whose music collection contains Joe McElderry’s album is beyond saving. Delete them from your phonebook.
2.If the potential recipient regularly talks about bands of whom you have never heard or that have names like Tankus & The Henge, or likes the sort of Jazz that to you sounds like a one-man-band being kicked around inside a haulage container or can talk at length on the subject of production values, don’t bother making them a mixtape. Perhaps delete them from your phonebook as well, just to be sure.
3. If either of the above persons are you, don’t EVER make anyone a mixtape. You may also delete yourself from your phonebook if you wish.
1. Once the recipient has been decided upon (either them or whoever is left in your phonebook), a mixtape’s playlist should say: ‘here is a fabulous selection of taste-broadening music that I have put together for your aural delectation and enjoyment, because either I fancy you OR I like you so much, I thought it would be a nice thing to do as I consider all of this here tunage to be life-enhancing and ace.’
However, anyone that regularly makes mixtapes knows that what they are really saying is:
‘Your music taste is, in all honesty, shit.’
* This blogger has been regularly accused of being unable to move with the times and of (direct quote) ‘dancing like it’s 1992’. A recent conversation:
Person: She just bought one of those things you use for recording stuff off the telly.
theweemo: A VCR?
Person: No you twat, a freeview telly recorder box.
theweemo: I see.